he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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