i jhust puked up my retainher.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
