I showed him my bush... on skype.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
