I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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