I wish I could punch you in the face.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
