she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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