her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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