I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
