I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
