My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
