All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
we should paint friendship bongs
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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