I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize