I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
