just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just found puke in my bra..
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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