Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
