did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Barsexuality is the new black.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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