how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
