u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
