Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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