they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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