another moral hangover. fuck.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
