I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize