you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
