Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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