Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
