I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
