I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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