I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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