that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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