i just wanna soil my oats bro
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
