FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
