addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
