I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
