He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
