I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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