you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
