Is it because I queefed?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Dignity is for republicans.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
