Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
