Don't make out with my wife yet
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
