I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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