I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize