i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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