SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
