I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Too much gin, very little bucket
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I had to cum in my sink.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
