Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
