i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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