and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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