I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
