Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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