so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
P.S. I can't hear my feet
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
