the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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