I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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