he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
