i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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