threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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