So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
