I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
