Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
