I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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