I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
