I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize