hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
