Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
