They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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